The last month has been heavy on the mind and especially on the body. I can feel the pain growing day by day with relentless vigour and perseverance. It is like a ongoing war on the inside, you can not see it, but it is there, due to the pain.
Besides, it feels like a war on the inside, i’m also experience it as strange bodily behaviours, those i haven’t felt before. The nasty kind, the kind that aggravate your mind into doing stupid things. Saying things that you don’t really mean. Things that are so not kosher.
I wish the pain could stop and i could feel better again and maybe also say i’m sorry to a few people. For those who know me and hopefully do after this, know that i’m really just a big teddy bear. Some say i’m a grizzly bear or a abominable snowman or alike.
I can tell you one thing and that is, that it’s not easy trying to cut down on smoking at the same time as you are loosing weight. I’m all for the impossible or stupid ideas, just to prove a point, but this endeavour is most likely the most stupid thing i’ve done so far. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.
Well, now it’s just a few days left until i can either start smoking again or maybe start eating again. Both ideas are tempting, but i guess i’ll just start with the smoking part and i’ll later come to the eating part. However, i might take the smoking part last, since i really want to quit, but it’s very hard, when you have an addictive personality, like the one i have.
Precaution is said to be a good thing, i do not know the meaning of the word…
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