Golf
Here are a few things about the amazing and boring sport of GOLF. The worlds most boring game, ever ! I have never really understood why this so called sport is so fascinating to avid golfers. Even the announcers on TV talk like they are interrupting something. Imaging having a Spanish soccer announcer, announce golf. That would be fun !
Why it’s called Golf :
- In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
- The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.
- Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!
- Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
- The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
- There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly … or start cheating.
- An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice … once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.
- Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh.
- Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
- Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments.
- There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
- Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.
Ten things about Golf that sounds dirty, but really isn’t, Golfers talk like this :
1. Nuts….my shaft is bent.
2. After 18 holes I can barely walk
3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. Look at the size of his putter.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
6. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
7. Keep your head down and spread your legs a little more
8. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip
9. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
10. Hold up…..I need to wash my balls first.
Golf Defined :
- Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
- “I wish I could play my normal game….just once.”
- Golf is harder than baseball, in golf you have to play your foul balls.
- If you do find that you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.
- Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot, rarely make the perfect shot.
- The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul-it-again.”
- A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers…neither of whom can putt very well.
- An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
- Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
- I play in the low 80’s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.
- If your best shots are the practice swing and the “gimme putt”, you might want to reconsider this game.
- Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can finally enjoy the level you’ve reached after you’ve reached it.
- Golf is the only sport where your most feared opponent is you.
- Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work….and both are expensive.
- The best wood in most golfer’s bags is the pencil.
- To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
- In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers…they shoot a “six”, yell “fore” and write “five”.
- Swing easy. Hit hard.
- Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?
- Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.
Tags: Fun Things, golf, tips
This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 at 8:58 pm and is filed under Fun things. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
